


be still

by coveredinthecolors



Category: The Vampire Diaries & Related Fandoms, The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, F/M, Hopeful Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:54:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29257788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coveredinthecolors/pseuds/coveredinthecolors
Summary: One year after their relationship ended, Caroline finds herself calling Klaus.
Relationships: Caroline Forbes/Klaus Mikaelson
Comments: 38
Kudos: 93





	be still

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> This is a very short, random drabble that started being written after 1am and after some amount of alcohol was consumed. I might regret posting it in the morning, but right now I'm just happy I finished writing something lol.
> 
> This is a bit angsty, but the ending is pretty hopeful, in my opinion.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Song lyrics from Be Still by The Fray.

_When darkness comes upon you  
And colors you with fear and shame  
Be still and know that I'm with you  
And I will say your name_

* * *

Nearly a year after they had last spoken, and she still knew his number by heart.

He should've changed it— God knows she wouldn't blame him if he had. But Klaus had answered his phone on the third ring and all she could do was gasp when she heard the sound of his voice.

" _Caroline?"_

The one and only thing that had been said in the 15 minutes and 37 seconds of that call. Which she knew because focusing on the ticking of the clock on her kitchen wall and on his breathing was the only thing keeping her mind from being flooded with the memories she’d tried to drown.

Silence.

She had given him almost 12 months of silence only to call him and offer fifteen more minutes of it. Caroline wished he would accuse her of being cruel, that he would yell at her. She wished he would give her a tenth of the venom she had used against him the last time they spoke.

But Klaus didn’t say anything; he didn’t even hang up the phone. Instead, he took her silence. He took her crumbs, as he always did.

Caroline tried imagining where he was, what he was doing. Was he a mess the same as she? Was he sitting on the cold hardwood floor of the penthouse they used to share as she sat in her own kitchen? Did he even still live at their old place?

She didn't know. She wanted to ask, but that would involve speaking and she couldn't–

His breathing. She focused on his breathing.

But focusing on him brought her pain, too. Like a missing limb she couldn’t scratch, she’d kept looking for him all day. Even if she knew he was nowhere around — even when she knew _she_ had been the one to make sure he wouldn’t be anywhere near her.

It still haunted her how well they’d manage to fall apart: a clean cut with no intertwined margins. For seven years, she used to think they were two puzzle pieces who fitted perfectly, but now it seemed they belonged to different puzzles altogether.

There was nothing left of what they had been. Not even divorce papers had been needed; he had never even proposed, anyway — which she had never really minded until she did.

It had been easy — too easy — disentangling her life from his. It was as if all she had done was move to a new apartment and avoid the texts and calls from an ex until they stopped. When in fact he was– _they_ were… What? There weren’t lawyers or an official document where she could register her pain. There weren’t pets for the custody to be shared. There weren’t joined bank accounts or family cell phone plans– Hell, he almost never sat through movies on his own, so even her Netflix account was only her own.

There were no knots, no anchors… There weren’t a billion invisible strings tying them together, even if she still felt like there was something ripping her limbs apart when she walked away.

Just one year and a few hours ago, she’d thought him to be the love of her life.

“Are you thinking about her?”

Her voice came out rushed and quiet and broken. And all she could do was keep staring at the clock, calculating _his_ silence. Caroline felt hollow at the same time she felt her lungs being filled with non-existent smoke, each breath poisoning her blood until she felt her heart was going to give out.

_14 seconds–_

“Yes.”

Caroline closed her eyes, tears beginning to stream down her cheek. She knew what his answer would be, of course, but it still hurt to think about it. It still hurt to think about everything they’d lost just because he–

She could see it so clearly. The broken glass sparkling against the asphalt; she remembered seeing some of them tinted red and thinking for a second that would make a pretty mosaic until she realized they were covered in blood. Her blood. Everything had been a blur after that. She remembered the sirens in the ambulance; she remembered his hand gripping hers, the only constant as she faded in and out of consciousness. And she remembered the bright lights and the white walls, the kindness and pity in her doctor’s eyes… The pain in Klaus’s.

“I think about her everyday,” she confessed in a whisper.

_1, 2, 3, 4..._

A sigh. And then– “ _Me too._ ”

Only two syllables, but his voice still cracked.

Not for the first time today, she wanted to reach out for his hand. She had never comforted him, not once. Those first few days she hadn’t… She couldn’t consider _his_ pain. Not when hers kept its hands wrapped around her throat, squeezing so tight she couldn’t speak. Couldn’t breathe.

And then she had… _God._

 _“She is gone,”_ she remembered saying that day, as if saying the words would make it real, but it all still felt like a terrible nightmare. She kept her hand over her belly, as if that would stop anything.

_She is gone._

The words kept repeating themselves in a loop inside her head. It couldn’t be true. It _wasn’t_ true. She could see the desperation in his eyes, but he was wrong. They were all wrong. Because everything was going to be fine. Everything had to be fine.

_She is gone._

_She_ … That was just a hunch, but she would bet anything on it. They had a doctor’s appointment in just three days, though, and then she would know for sure and she would get bragging rights and Klaus and her had made _very dirty_ bets that she would love to win and–

Caroline felt like she was going to throw up as the memories from the day came back to haunt her.

“Klaus…” she breathed. How many months had it been since she had said his name? It still felt right and comfortable wrapped around her tongue. _“I’m so sorry."_

She wasn’t sure he would be able to understand her words in the middle of the sob that rocked her body. But she watched as the clock ticked, second after second, and she knew that he had heard her loud and clear. She knew that he didn’t know what to say, or perhaps just didn’t know how to say all of the things he probably thought about her and her stupid apology.

She deserved his silence. She deserved his hatred. 

_“Just say it. Deep down, you are happy this happened,”_ she had accused. _“You never wanted children. You never wanted_ her! _”_

 _“Caroline, please,"_ he had begged. Begged, and she hadn’t listened.

She hated everything. She hated _him._ She felt like a hot air balloon — that burning anger the only thing keeping her from dismantling completely. And her fury needed something to fuel it, a villain to blame.

_“This is all your fault!"_

He had been driving. It didn’t matter that a drunk driver was to blame, he had been the one behind the wheel when her daughter had been killed in the one place she was supposed to be safe. And she had reminded him of it, yelled those words at him until he left and then yelled some more when he came back.

_This is all your fault._

It wasn’t. God, she knew it wasn’t. She had known that even when she was hurling those words at him, but she couldn’t stop herself.

“Caroline…” he whispered, 32 seconds later. Hearing her name fall from his lips again felt like an absolution she didn’t deserve.

“I’m so sorry,” she said again. “I didn’t mean it. I promise– I didn’t mean it. I’m so sorry.”

Another break. A lot of people thought him heartless, but she knew… She knew he would’ve blamed himself even if she hadn’t said a word. But she had said many things, and had waited a year to unsay them in a weak apology over the phone.

_16, 17, 18 seconds..._

“Everyday… I thought about her, but I thought about you, too,” he confessed. “Everyday I wondered how you were feeling. If you needed anything– if you needed _me_. Like I needed you.”

She would almost believe it an accusation, but his voice was soft. But whether or not he meant the words to be harsh, it hardly mattered. She felt the blow just the same, like a punch to the stomach. What a strange feeling it was, to be hurt and to know that you have no right to fight back.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated.

It wasn’t enough. It could never be enough. She had shoved a knife in his chest, twisted it and then left him alone to deal with the wounds. How could a simple apology ever suffice?

Caroline heard his sigh, heard his pain in it. But fuck... a year later and she still knew him too well, could read him too easily. This wasn’t enough, but she knew he wanted it to be.

“I know,” he conceded. “I know you are, sweetheart.”

More silence. It was all she could offer him when her words weren’t enough. He still took every second of it, and she wasn’t sure that made her feel better or worse. If realizing that he still cared made her euphoric, knowing that she wasn’t worthy of it made her acutely aware of the sharpness of the pieces that remained from her heart — as if when trying to touch them, she only hurt herself more.

And yet…

Selfish was not a word she would normally use to describe herself, but there was no other name for what she was. At least when it came to him. Despite everything, despite knowing she should just tell him that all was forgiven and let him go…

Caroline found herself asking, “Don’t hang up. _Please._ Stay just a few more minutes.”

The clock kept ticking. She could hear his breathing picking up, could almost hear the engines of his brain working, figuring out exactly what it was that she was asking of him. He could still read her too well, too, it seemed. Well enough to hear what she wasn’t saying — to know that she had unlocked a door tonight, and he now had to decide whether or not to open it for her.

And he should hate her, she knew. He should hate her, but he couldn’t. And she should hate herself for how hopeful that made her feel, because she knew what his answer would be.

His voice was quiet, but firm when he declared — “I’m not going anywhere.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts?? I'm having fun writing a bit of angst lately, but it's not necessarily my biggest skill, so let me know if that worked! Comments are always very much appreciated <3


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